Rest for the Weary

It’s 2pm. You were up last night with a sick toddler, nursing your infant at 3,4, and 5 am, changed 12 diapers and 2 pairs of wet toddler underpants, had breakfast AND lunch thrown in your face and

You. Are. Done.

It’s 9 pm. You were up last night with a sick toddler, nursing your infant by 5 am, planned and packed all 3 meals for your kiddos, pumped 6 times in between appointments, put your babes to bed, are finally in bed prepping for tomorrow’s 8am meeting and

You. Are. Done.

So many Mamas go on like this, giving until they’re empty and inevitably crash and burn. And when they’re finished picking up the pieces, or more likely having their spouse pick up the pieces, they start the toxic cycle all over again. Mama, you can’t do this! In fact, I forbid it. It must not happen. I’ve counted to three and you are officially in time out. Because listen, when you do this, you are only hurting yourself and everyone around you. When you do this, you are saying, I don’t matter.  Stop being a martyr, nobody needs one. Even God needed a day of rest.

This seems to be the way generations before us operated. I don’t have to tell you because I’m sure you’ve experienced it; that look of are you kidding me? when you mention things like nannies or “me time”. The “I raised 5 boys with no help” when you mention getting a babysitter for an afternoon. But the truth is, everyone is better off when you take time to refill your tank, or well, or cup or whatever empty vessel you have on hand. Yes, the women before us worked their tails off and gave all they had for us. And they survived. But I don’t want to JUST survive, I want to thrive! I want to be enthusiastic about playing and cooking and reading bedtime stories. I don’t want to wait for it to get easier or get “through it”. I want to live in it, and walk through it, not run. I want to give the best of myself to my family with joy in my heart, and I can ONLY do that if I have something left to give.

So here’s the skinny, the lowdown, the real real. Take time every day to do something for you, and only you. It can be as small as taking 5 minutes to drink your coffee before anyone else gets up, or a 30 minute bath in the evening. You decide what it is you need. And think hard. Don’t default to a mani/pedi or evening glass of wine if that doesn't fuel you. What is it that feeds your soul and makes you feel like yourself again? Maybe you need quality time with your spouse. Maybe you need to eat better throughout the day, or maybe you just need 10 minutes where another human being isn’t touching you! Amen to that my friend. Whatever it is, you should come out of it feeling like you can breathe better, with a more positive attitude, and a thirst for enjoying the rest of your day with the ones who count on you.

Here are some practical tips on getting a break.

Schedule it!

You’ll find me saying this a lot. If you have dreams about what you want to do and you don’t make practical plans to do it, it’s NOT going to happen Mama. You have to schedule it. Take a deep look at where your time is going and find out where you can work in something for yourself, then schedule it. Block off time on your calendar over lunch or hire a babysitter so you can go to the gym. Plan ahead and Make. It. Happen.

Talk to your spouse

Talk to your spouse about how you need this and how you’ll fit it into your schedules. Your spouse needs time away too. Being at work all day without the kids does not count as personal time, so offer it up to them as an idea as well. They’ll be grateful for the opportunity and more likely to be understanding when you ask for your own time off.

If you feel like you’re picking up too much at home you HAVE to talk about how you can divide up tasks better. Just because you are the primary caregiver during the day or because you are the Mom, should not mean you are assumed to do it all. You have to work this out with your spouse early on and constantly revisit how things are going as your season in life changes.

If you need some ideas on what to do with your time, here are a few that I’ve found to be rewarding on a number of levels.

Exercise

Good for your body and mind. When I am feeling edgy and snappy with my family, I know I need to get a workout in. It doesn’t have to be a 3 mile run, it can be a quick workout in the adjoining room while the kids watch a 30 minute sing-along or just a walk around the neighborhood. No matter how small, getting your body moving will absolutely make you feel better about yourself. And yea, it sucks to be stuck smelling like Shrek until I can work in a shower, but knowing I did something great for myself gives me a more positive attitude. Plus I think there’s a thing about endorphins or metabolism relating to happiness or something? Who knows, I’m not a fitness expert. But I do know that moving my body drastically impacts my mental state. Side note: for working out at home, I love the Nike Training Club app. It’s completely free and you can search workouts by the amount of time you have or specify what area you want to target.

Read

If you think you don’t like to read, you’re reading the wrong books! But it doesn’t have to be books. Read a magazine or news or sports articles. I personally think fiction is an amazing way to let your mind be free for a while. Don’t waste your precious alone time on Facebook or Instagram, because you know you were already on it earlier in the day, what a time suck! Read something you find nourishing. My specialty when nursing my second born was to checkout eBooks from the library and read to stay awake during the night. Sometimes I didn’t want to go back to bed!

Eat

When I make myself a delicious and healthy lunch I feel like a million bucks but I know it is SO hard to accomplish when you’re feeding yourself and little ones or working through lunch so you can pick up your babes from daycare on time. Try to make eating a priority at some point during your day. Fuel your body. You’ll think better and have more patience if you’re not hangry and make better choices the rest of the day. Make lunch for yourself and/or your kiddos ahead of time so you’re not in a pinch when they’re screaming that they want food.

"He said to them, 'Come away by yourselves to a deserted place and rest a while.' People were coming and going in great numbers, and they had no opportunity even to eat.” Mark 6:31

Go to bed early

We have to start getting enough rest, especially if sleep has a profound impact on you like it does me. Go to bed early instead of watching a 5th episode of Orange Is the New Black (psssst. it will still be there tomorrow!) When the baby takes a nap, you take a nap. In the early months, that shouldn’t be seen as a luxury, that’s a necessity.  Take a shower at night and set your coffee to be made on a timer so you can get a few extra minutes of shut eye in the morning.

You’ll notice none of my suggestions cost money because I’m not about that. But there are ample opportunities to really go for it with spa days or sports outings, dates with your hubby. Do what works for you but know that even the smallest thing you do to make yourself a priority will leave you feeling stimulated and replenished.

I’ll leave you with this. Think about the things you provide your children throughout the day to make them happy and whole. Nutritious food, adequate rest, time to run and play, and maybe an opportunity to be creative. These are basic fundamentals that bring joy to most children (plus maybe a Mickey show here or there), and you need them too Mama. Give yourself the gift of time to yourself and the peace you feel will overflow into your family.

Spending some time with our friends "sans" kids at the Valspar Golf Tournament.